“Brewxiety” Sweeps the Shire as Coffee Prices Soar—Residents Now Ducking, Dodging, and Faking Phone Calls to Avoid Coffee Shout

Brock Ledger | Economics Correspondent | Sutherland Shire Gazette

25 March 2025

A silent epidemic is gripping the Sutherland Shire, and it has nothing to do with flu season. Dubbed brewxiety, this rising social condition is causing residents to go to extreme lengths to avoid the dreaded moment a mate expects them to shout a coffee.

Once a simple $4 courtesy, a casual caffeine buy-up has become a financial minefield, with local coffee prices now hitting close to $7 per cup. Reports suggest that brewxiety has led to a sharp decline in “accidental” catch-ups outside baristas, an increase in fake phone calls mid-stride, and even full-scale social avoidance strategies, to avoid getting caught in a coffee shout.

“I used to love bumping into people at the shops,” says Miranda local, Steve Douglas. “Now, if I spot a mate near the café queue, I pretend I’ve suddenly remembered my car’s been stolen and sprint in the opposite direction.”

The Shire’s café owners have noticed the shift too. “Customers are getting jittery before they even get their coffee,” says one barista from a popular Cronulla spot. “We see them hesitating at the door, scanning the crowd, then either bailing entirely or doing an awkward half-wave before disappearing into a side street.”

One particularly harrowing case was witnessed in Caringbah, where a man faked an urgent text message and bolted into a Bunnings, knowing full well he didn’t need a single thing.

Economists predict that by winter, brewxiety may peak, with some locals taking extreme measures - like suggesting “just a quick walk instead” or, in truly desperate cases, inviting people over for a home-brewed coffee.

Authorities have yet to classify brewxiety as a public health crisis, but given the rising cost of coffee beans, many believe it’s only a matter of time.