Caringbah Chemist Warehouse Secretly Closes—Reopens with Even Tighter Aisles to Crush Hopes and Dreams

Harper Vale | Investigative Journalist | Sutherland Shire Gazette

27 February 2025

Local shoppers were left baffled this week when Caringbah Chemist Warehouse mysteriously shut its doors for several days without warning, sparking wild speculation across community Facebook groups. Was it a stocktake? A secret government operation? Had they finally run out of perfume gift sets and discounted protein powder?

But when the doors finally reopened, the shocking truth was revealed—the aisles were somehow even narrower than before.

“Honestly, I thought they were rebuilding the store layout to be more customer-friendly,” said one naive shopper. “Instead, they’ve turned it into a high-stakes obstacle course.”

Parents pushing prams were the first to notice the alarming changes. “I tried to turn into the baby formula aisle and immediately got wedged between a display of half-price vitamins and 17 pallets of deodorant,” said local mum, Jess. “It took three staff members and a roll of Sorbolene cream to free me.”

Meanwhile, Chemist Warehouse employees—already famous for their ability to unpack boxes while expertly avoiding eye contact with customers—have now been fully boxed in. Witnesses report that at least one worker has been trapped behind a 7-foot wall of Swisse supplements since Tuesday.

One anonymous staffer confirmed the new layout is part of a long-term strategy. “We’re hoping to make it physically impossible for customers to approach us with questions,” they admitted. “If you can’t reach us, you can’t ask where the Panadol is.”

With the aisles now roughly the width of a human shoelace, some locals have suggested Chemist Warehouse should simply remove baskets and force everyone to shop with only what they can carry. Others are preparing for the inevitable: “It’s just a matter of time before they start charging an exit fee for customers who manage to escape.”