Cronulla's Shelly Beach Rockpool Scandal: Early Morning Whiteboard Rampage Sparks Outrage Among Swimmer

Blake Curran | Investigative Journalist | Sutherland Shire Gazette

9 January 2025

In a twist worthy of a daytime drama, Shelly Beach Rock Pool has become ground zero for a scandal involving a whiteboard, a green marker, and a pair of unfortunate budgie smugglers. Cronulla's Brass Monkeys Swimming Club, known for their year-round dawn swims, is now at the heart of a whodunit after their community noticeboard was violently ripped from its wall last Friday at 5:30 am.

The whiteboard, lovingly donated to serve as a hub for lost goggles and swim meet announcements, met its end after one member allegedly smeared their budgie smugglers with non-permanent green marker ink. In what can only be described as an over-the-top reaction, the board was destroyed in an act of vengeance that has left the club’s communal spirit in tatters.

The incident has ignited a wave of speculation, with reports suggesting it might have been an inside job. In a bizarre twist, local police have expanded their search to Cronulla’s laundrettes, questioning staff if anyone has come in desperate to clean green stains out of their swimmers. “It’s not every day you get asked about green ink on budgie smugglers,” said one bemused laundrette worker.

Adding fuel to the fire is the ongoing debate over the accuracy of the pool’s temperature readings, recorded on a separate, similarly contentious whiteboard. Some members have long accused the existing thermometer of being unreliable, leading to heated discussions about investing in scientific-grade equipment. To address these concerns, a GoFundMe campaign is being floated, with hopes of consulting CSIRO experts to ensure precision worthy of the most meticulous weather station.

As the investigation unfolds, detectives are piecing together clues, and theories abound. Was this a moment of impulsive rage, or part of a deeper conspiracy to upend the club’s harmony? The police remain tight-lipped, but one thing is clear: Shelly Beach Rock Pool has transformed from a tranquil retreat into a hotbed of mystery.

With the crime scene cordoned off and the community on edge, the saga of the continues to capture the imaginations of swimmers and sleuths alike. One thing’s for sure—this summer, the waters at Shelly Beach are anything but calm.

Shelly Beach Rockpool Scandal