Forget Cane Toads—Miranda Now Under Siege by Rogue Ferrets

Finn Seabrook | Local Correspondent | Sutherland Shire Gazette

25 February 2025

Just when Shire residents thought they’d seen it all—jet ski invasions, driveway U-turn crime waves, and Charlize Theron dominating the local meat raffle—Miranda has been hit with its weirdest mystery yet: a full-scale ferret invasion.

Over the past week, baffled locals have reported spotting ferrets casually roaming their backyards, staring at them with unsettling intensity, and in at least one case, attempting to steal a Bunnings sausage straight off the plate.

“Naturally, we assumed this was just the beginning of the Great Queensland Cane Toad Migration,” said one concerned resident, “but instead of warty little jumpers, we’ve got these long, slinky weirdos popping up everywhere.”

The biggest question remains: are these escaped pets, or has Miranda unwittingly become Australia’s first ferret hotspot? Some argue they’re lost companions, while others, deeply unsettled by their shifty nature, refuse to believe anyone would willingly own such a creature. “Are they even real pets?” asked one local. “Or just elongated rats with a superiority complex?”

Shire conspiracy theorists have already weighed in, with some claiming the ferrets are a government experiment gone wrong, others suspecting a secret underground ferret-fighting ring, and one particularly passionate Facebook commenter suggesting this is “just another way Queensland is trying to ruin our lives.”

Authorities have advised residents not to panic (or attempt to domesticate the intruders). In the meantime, locals remain on high alert, warily watching their backyards for the next unexpected visit from Miranda’s newest—and weirdest—wildlife attraction.