Kareela Man Unlocks Secret to Fast-Track Pedestrian Lights: ‘I’m Practically a Traffic Whisperer’

Sandy Shores | Editor-in-Chief | Sutherland Shire Gazette

25 January 2025

In what can only be described as the discovery of the century (for pedestrians, anyway), Kareela local Tom “The Button Baron” Wilson has unveiled the secret to making pedestrian crossings change faster. After years of painstaking research and dedication, Wilson claims to have decoded the mystical formula of button presses needed to summon the green man with precision.

“It’s all in the rhythm,” Wilson explained, standing proudly at the notorious crossing near the Princes Highway. “Seven rapid taps, a three-second pause, then two deliberate presses. It’s practically an art form.”

Wilson’s self-proclaimed discovery has sent shockwaves through the Shire, as locals scramble to test “The Wilson Method” for themselves. “This changes everything,” said one elated pedestrian. “I’ve wasted years aggressively mashing that button or just standing there in existential despair. Tom’s a genius.”

The journey wasn’t easy. Wilson spent countless hours in the field—day, night, rain, shine—testing combinations while enduring honks, glares, and unsolicited advice from self-proclaimed crossing experts. “I’ve had drivers shout at me, kids laugh at me, and once a magpie stole my stopwatch,” he admitted. “But I was determined. This was bigger than me.”

Of course, not everyone is convinced. Skeptics, including a local traffic engineer, argue the lights operate on a fixed timer, regardless of button abuse. “It’s purely psychological,” he sniffed. “But hey, if it keeps people entertained…”

We reached out to Howard Collins, Coordinator General at Transport for NSW, for comment on Wilson’s groundbreaking findings. While Collins declined to comment officially, unconfirmed reports have surfaced that Transport for NSW staff were recently spotted inspecting the Kareela intersection.

Witnesses claim they were clutching pedestrian button manuals and muttering ominously, “They’ve cracked the code. They weren’t supposed to know.”

Pedestrian traffic lights secret