Local Driver Trapped in Kiora Mall Car Park - Survives on World’s Best Banh Mi

Callum Finnerty | Special Features Editor | Sutherland Shire Gazette

23 March 2025

A local woman has narrowly escaped what experts are calling “the most existentially bleak experience available in Miranda” after becoming trapped inside the Kiora Mall car park due to a payment machine malfunction.

The driver, who had parked at the mostly abandoned shopping complex for reasons still unclear, attempted to exit after a visit to iMed up the road - only to find that her credit card was repeatedly declined at the boom gate.

“I knew it wasn’t my card,” she told The Sutherland Shire Gazette, “because it worked fine at Westfield five minutes earlier when I bought a smoothie that cost more than a deposit on a small car.”

With no other options, she pressed the ‘CALL FOR HELP’ button, which rang out loudly across the entire eerily empty car park - but received no response. Reports indicate the sound bounced off the walls of the deserted complex and disappeared into the same void that once swallowed the old RTA and all traces of human activity.

With hours passing and hope dwindling, her fate took a turn for the better when a kind passerby, presumably also lost, purchased her a life-saving banh mi from the only thriving business left in Kiora Mall.

“I’d accepted my fate,” she admitted. “I was going to become one with Kiora. Just me, the Spotlight ‘Final Sale’, and whatever ghosts still haunt the former RTA office.”

Eventually, after a prolonged standoff with the boom gate, she was able to escape - though it remains unclear how. Some speculate an unseen parking attendant finally awoke from their slumber, while others believe the gate simply gave up out of sympathy.

Kiora Mall management could not be reached for comment - most likely because no one actually works there anymore.