Local P-Plater in Ford Ranger Raptor Clearly the Most Important Person in the Shire

Sutherland Shire drivers have been left in awe this week as a local green P-plater in a Ford Ranger Raptor continues to demonstrate an unmatched level of urgency, hurtling through traffic as though he’s personally transporting a human heart to St George Hospital.

Multiple eyewitnesses have confirmed that this exceptional individual has places to be that are far more important than yours, regularly charging up behind cars at traffic lights before tailgating so aggressively that drivers consider lodging a missing persons report for their rear bumper.

When faced with congestion, he showcases his elite decision-making skills by tearing up the left turn lane at Mach-3, only to violently swerve back into the right lane with zero indicators and even less shame. Local driving instructors have referred to his technique as “The Sutherland Shire Squeeze”—a bold yet reckless manoeuvre that keeps dashcam manufacturers in business.

One shaken commuter described her experience: “I thought I was following the road rules, but then HE arrived. The sheer force of his headlights in my rearview mirror made me question my life choices. Next thing I knew, he was blasting past me, narrowly avoiding a parked car and a small dog, before aggressively merging back in front of me with about a millimetre to spare. It was an honour, honestly.”

Experts suspect this absolute legend may be on a secret government mission, given that his daily movements indicate he must be the most significant individual to ever grace the Shire’s roads.

Rumours suggest he was last seen launching himself over a roundabout in Kirrawee, heading straight towards another victim—presumably on a life-or-death mission to buy a protein shake and a vape.