Local Teen Surfer Mysteriously Develops "Gastro" Days Before Cyclone Swell Arrives

Liam Montgomery | Sports Reporter | Sutherland Shire Gazette

4 March 2025

Local year 10 student and aspiring pro surfer Zac Wilkins has begun the delicate art of laying the groundwork for a well-timed sickie, just as Tropical Cyclone Alfred promises to deliver the biggest swell of the decade.

Starting this morning at breakfast, Zac made his first move, dramatically pushing his Weet-Bix away and groaning, “Ugh, my stomach feels a bit off.” His mother barely glanced up. “Probably too much Macca’s last night,” she replied. A rookie mistake—too soon, too obvious.

Undeterred, Zac escalated his plan throughout the day. By lunchtime, he was seen leaning against his locker at school, clutching his stomach and sighing loudly. “Reckon I got that bug going around,” he told his mate Kye, who immediately saw through it but nodded in support. “Yeah bro, you’re looking pale.”

With three days until the cyclone-fuelled swells hit, Zac knows he must pace himself. 

Tomorrow, he’ll reject his afternoon Oak chocolate milk—an unprecedented move designed to alarm his mum. By Wednesday night, he’ll go all in, groaning dramatically on the couch and “going to bed early” with a bucket nearby for added effect.

Veteran sickie chuckers warn of the risks: go too hard too early, and the parents might take you to the doctor—game over. Underplay it, and you could be sent to school just as the sets start rolling in. “It’s a fine balance,” Zac admitted. “You need to sound crook enough to get out of school, but not so sick that you can’t paddle out.”

If all goes well, by Thursday morning, Zac will be "too weak for class" but miraculously strong enough to paddle into some of the best waves Wanda has seen in years. His only real risk? Running into his own dad, who’s probably chucking the exact same sickie.