Mall Madness: Cronulla Residents Spring Into Outrage Over In-Ground Trampolines

Finn Seabrook | Local Correspondent | Sutherland Shire Gazette

20 December 2025

Tensions are running high in Cronulla after a local man was catapulted onto the roof of a popular yeeros takeaway shop, courtesy of one of the newly installed in-ground trampolines in the refurbished Cronulla Mall.

The incident occurred late Tuesday afternoon when Darren McFadden, 43, reportedly strolled across the unsuspecting trampoline while absorbed in an intense game of mobile solitaire. Witnesses described a majestic yet concerning “slow-motion launch” that ended with McFadden landing atop Stavros’ Yeeros & Souvlaki Emporium, where he remained until emergency services arrived — and until Stavros himself demanded he order something or “get off the roof.”

“I thought I’d stepped on a bouncy bit of pavement,” McFadden explained from his temporary rooftop refuge. “Next thing I know, I’m airborne like a rogue seagull chasing hot chips.”

Local authorities claim the in-ground trampolines were intended to “promote fun and active living” in the upgraded mall. However, many residents argue that the installations have done more harm than good.

“They’re a menace!” said lifelong resident Gladys Merton, 68. “I can’t fetch my morning latte without risking a trip to low Earth orbit.”

Council spokesperson Marina Driftwood defended the feature, stating, “We wanted to inject energy into the mall, but we acknowledge that unexpected aerial launches weren’t part of the design brief.”

Meanwhile, discussions about adding “Trampoline Safety Zones” and an optional “Bouncer’s License” are underway. In the meantime, locals are advised to remain vigilant — and maybe reconsider texting while walking near the yeeros shop.