Mysterious Delay Syndrome Spreads: Sharks Leagues Club Caught ‘North Cronulla Virus’

Harper Vale | Investigative Journalist | Sutherland Shire Gazette

29 March 2025

In breaking news that has shocked absolutely no one, the long-awaited redevelopment of Sharks Leagues Club has hit yet another delay. At this week’s AGM, Sharks CEO made the bombshell announcement that he “would love to provide more details but can’t”, immediately sparking speculation that the club has contracted the same mysterious condition plaguing North Cronulla Surf Lifesaving Club—known locally as Chronic Project Delay Syndrome (CPDS).

Symptoms of CPDS include promising things will be finished “soon” for years on end, vague statements about “unforeseen circumstances”, and an overwhelming inability to provide a straight answer about what’s actually going on.

While the Surf Club has been battling the condition for years, it appears the Sharks have now fallen victim, leaving residents wondering if anything in the Shire can ever be completed on time.

Medical experts (who may or may not just be blokes at the pub) believe CPDS is highly contagious, with potential spread to other infrastructure projects. “At this rate, we’re just weeks away from hearing that the Woolooware Bay Town Centre is delayed until 2040,” said one concerned local.

Meanwhile, speculation about the cause of the Leagues Club delay is reaching fever pitch. Some claim secret underground tunnels were discovered beneath the old club, while others suggest the redevelopment budget was accidentally spent on extra fireworks for game days.

When pressed for further details, a Sharks spokesperson simply replied, “We appreciate your patience and will provide an update… at some point.”