Shire Staycation Spirals as Ebikes and Housebound Locals Collide in Chaotic Storm

Finn Seabrook | Local Correspondent | Sutherland Shire Gazette

18 April 2025

SUTHERLAND SHIRE — In a rare alignment of school holidays, the Easter long weekend and ANZAC Day, the Shire has descended into what experts are calling “full-scale suburban captivity.”

Locals who’d normally escape to overpriced Airbnbs have opted to stay put, after realising a two-bedroom shack now rents for the price of a small European hatchback. Meanwhile, unsupervised children have flooded the streets on a tidal wave of e-bikes, fuelled by Red Frogs and total disregard for road rules.

“It’s fantastic,” said local dad Terry Bloomfield, applying a third coat of sunscreen as his kids flew past "doing at least 60 kph." “We considered a trip away, but turns out we can enjoy the same chaos and noise right here, for free. Well, nearly.”

Dr Miranda Cleaves, behavioural economist at Loftus TAFE, calls it a “forced hyperlocal congestion event.”

“Normally, people disperse across overpriced campsites,” she explained. “This year, they’ve stayed home to save money, inadvertently transforming the Shire into the holiday hellscape they were trying to escape.”

Community Facebook moderators have declared "Code Red," as e-bike complaints now exceed Christmas levels. "We’re seeing hourly posts: ‘Reckless youths on motorised death traps’," confirmed one exhausted admin.

Even child-free locals aren’t spared, with many taking "clever" annual leave between the public holidays — only to find themselves trapped in a hyperlocal theme park, with no escape but grim supply runs to Bunnings.

Economists estimate households have saved $7,000 by staying home, but burned $8,500 on pastries, panic activities, and overpriced flat whites.

As one local mum summed up: “At this point, I’d pay those e-bike kids to take me out.”

Locals are urged to hydrate, keep their heads down, and under no circumstances enter Facebook debates about e-bike etiquette until further notice.

Shire staycation ebikes