Trump Targets Kurnell? Locals Brace for "The Art of the Sand Deal"

Blake Curran | Investigative Journalist | Sutherland Shire Gazette

22 January 2025

The local rumour mill is swirling that Donald Trump has set his sights on Kurnell. The coastal suburb, known for its sand dunes and relaxed charm, could soon be the next jewel in Trump’s real estate crown, with whispers of plans to transform it into his own Mar-a-Lago Down Under.

The buzz began when a convoy of black SUVs was spotted cruising through Kurnell, allegedly led by a figure sporting a suspiciously familiar hairstyle. 

Adding fuel to the fire, an anonymous elite Cronulla  hairdresser has come forward, claiming they were approached by a mysterious man requesting a wig wash for a piece that looked strikingly like Trump’s infamous golden locks. “It had that same, unmistakable swoop,” the hairdresser confided. “There’s no doubt in my mind—he was here.”

Word on the street is that Trump is eying Kurnell’s pristine landscape as the perfect location for his Australian Mar-a-Lago. Plans are rumoured to include a luxury golf course, a casino, and, naturally, a towering golden statue of himself gazing out over Botany Bay. “Make Kurnell Great Again,” has been whispered as the potential slogan.

While some locals are thrilled at the prospect of international fame and fortune, others are less enthusiastic. “We’re fine with the sand and the sea,” said Sharon from the local café. “We don’t need any gold-plated nonsense messing with our vibe.”

Despite the mixed reactions, one thing is clear: if Trump does make a move on Kurnell, it’s going to be huge. Whether the Shire is ready for its close-up remains to be seen, but for now, everyone’s bracing for what could be the most entertaining takeover in history.