With No Kids or Commuter Chaos, Local City Worker Briefly Experiences Version of Sydney That Works

Sandy Shores | Editor in Chief | Sutherland Shire Gazette

14 April 2025

TOWN HALL — In a rare and fleeting brush with urban serenity, Cronulla resident and unapologetically child-free adult city worker Jason Kirkland, 34, treated himself and drove his car instead to the CBD this morning — bypassing the usual train commuter chaos to savour what he described as “a genuinely elite experience.”

Sipping a Campos flat white with the quiet confidence of someone who doesn't own a trampoline or a Kia Carnival, Kirkland said he felt “reborn” after cruising up the M1 in record time and landing an early bird car park in record time.

“Normally I’m wedged into the train with private school kids carrying bags bigger than their personalities and middle managers arguing on Slack,” he explained. “But today... bliss.”

With autumn school holidays now fully underway, he’s not only enjoying rare lane freedom, but also the total absence of his Gen X coworkers in the office — many of whom are at home juggling remote work with vacation care schedules and passive-aggressively negotiated custody swaps.

“Honestly, the office is perfect,” he said. “Quiet, calm, no one microwaving fish. I even answered a Teams call on the first ring.”

According to colleagues, Kirkland has been quietly strategising to top his firm’s unofficial Office Days Leaderboard — a petty but powerful metric suspiciously correlated with performance bonuses and senior management’s vague notion of “visibility.”

“Presence is performance,” he said, polishing off his Campos with the smugness of a man who hasn’t heard the phrase ‘can I grab you for a quick minute?’ all morning.