Privacy Policy

Welcome to The Sutherland Shire Gazette ("we," "our," or "us"). We are an Australian small business running a satirical entertainment website, proudly delivering the finest in Shire-based humour. This Privacy Policy outlines how we collect, use, store, and protect your personal information when you visit our website, whether you're reading, subscribing, commenting, or trying to work out if our articles are real (spoiler: they’re not).

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By accessing our website, you agree to the terms of this Privacy Policy. If you don’t agree, we recommend closing this tab and pretending you never saw it—like that mystery dent on your car after a trip to Miranda Fair’s parking lot.

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1. What Information We Collect​

When you visit The Sutherland Shire Gazette, we may collect:

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• Personal Information: If you sign up for our newsletter, contact us, or leave a comment, we may collect your name, email address, and any other details you choose to provide.

• Payment Details: If you purchase goods and/or services from us, we may collect payment details, such as credit or debit card information. However, all payment transactions are encrypted by the acquiring bank, and we do not retain any payment card details submitted by you.

• Non-Personal Information: We automatically collect data such as your IP address, browser type, device information, and browsing behaviour (like how long you spent debating whether Dolans Bay Marina expansion is satire or real).

• Cookies & Tracking Technologies: Like most websites, we use cookies and similar tracking technologies to enhance your experience. Unfortunately, these are the digital kind—not the ones you can dunk in tea.

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2. How We Use Your Information​

We use your information to:

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• Send you our satirical newsletter (only if you sign up—no spam, we promise).

• Process transactions and fulfil any purchases you make.

• Improve our website and make our content even funnier (or at least, attempt to).

• Prevent bot accounts from flooding our comments section with “Work from home and make $10,000 a week!” ads.

• Comply with any legal obligations, should the need arise (e.g., if a local Facebook group tries to sue us over a satire piece).

• Conduct internal administrative, research, planning, marketing, and product development activities to help us improve our offerings.

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3. How We Store and Protect Your Data​

We store your data securely using industry-standard measures (not just a USB stick in a shoebox under someone’s bed). However, no system is 100% secure, so while we do our best, we can’t promise we’re completely hacker-proof. If you have national security secrets, maybe don’t share them with us.

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4. Sharing Your Information​

We do not sell your data—ever. However, we may share your information with:

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• Service providers (such as email marketing platforms and payment processors) to provide our services.

• Law enforcement if required by law (though let’s be honest, they’ve got bigger things to worry about than a satirical news site).

• Third-party analytics tools to understand how many people are reading about Shire parking scandals at any given time.

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5. International Data Transfers​

Even though we’re based in Australia, our website can be accessed globally. If you’re reading this from overseas, congrats—you’ve unlocked Shire Humour Without Borders! This means your data may be stored or processed outside Australia, including in countries with different privacy laws.

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We take reasonable steps to ensure that any overseas data transfers comply with Australian privacy laws (such as the Privacy Act 1988 (Cth)) and, where applicable, international standards (such as the GDPR for our European readers).

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6. Your Rights and Choices​

You have rights over your personal data, including:

• Unsubscribing from emails anytime by clicking “unsubscribe” (no hard feelings).

• Requesting a copy of your data (though, fair warning, it’s probably not very exciting).

• Correcting or deleting your data—just email us, and we’ll take care of it faster than a Shire dad claiming hard rubbish treasures.

For EU residents, you may also have the right to restrict processing, object to processing, or request data portability under the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR).

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For Californian residents, your rights under the California Consumer Privacy Act (CCPA) include requesting to know what personal information we collect and requesting deletion of your data.

To exercise any of these rights, contact us using the details below.

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7. Third-Party Links

We sometimes link to external sites (e.g., real news sources when our satire gets too close to reality). We’re not responsible for their privacy policies, so if you click a link and end up somewhere weird, don’t blame us.

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8. Children’s Privacy

Our content is intended for a general audience, but let’s be real—most of it is only funny if you’re old enough to remember when Miranda Fair was still a thing. We do not knowingly collect personal information from children under 16. If you’re a parent and think your child has provided us with personal data, let us know, and we’ll sort it out.

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9. Changes to This Privacy Policy

We may update this policy from time to time (especially if some government agency suddenly decides The Sutherland Shire Gazette needs tighter regulations). Any updates will be posted here, so check back occasionally.

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10. Contact Us

If you have any privacy concerns, questions, or just want to debate whether it’s Miranda Fair or Westfield Miranda, you can reach us at:

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📧 Email: info@sutherlandshiregazette.com
📍 Address: Somewhere in the Shire (but we’re keeping it vague in case of angry Facebook mobs)

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Thanks for reading—if you made it this far, you deserve a meat tray.